I leave MT for a bit and now you're the one telling jokes?
AHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA

eXDream2K5 --> Well well well...
Need a pat on the back do you? Must be known for your actions huh? Well, what ever happened to the "silent hero?" At my old college... There is a plaque of me and my bud chris... We did something we were told was great. We didn't ask to do it, we didn't want to do it. We just knew it was the right thing to do. I'm not telling you what. But, keep in mind... You're human... So is everyone you meet.
~*risk of sounding preechy*~
Do un-to those... Well, you know the rest.

BTW, I'm not picking a fight... But, think of what you're going to say before you say it. Don't be negative... Try it!

In answer to you FireFlies... Today, I picked up all the cigerette butts outside of my apartment complex.

First of all - the title having the words little and weeny in the same segment means nothing you gutter minds.
Halloween is almost upon us. Why not learn a little about the holiday itself? Here are some interesting facts about the holiday... No, this is not one of my usual jokes... sorry...

"Phasmophobia" is the fear of ghosts.

A cup of candy corn has fewer calories than a cup of raisins.

It's illegal to sell a haunted house in New York without informing the buyer.

Eighty-two percent of children take part in Halloween festivities, as do 67% of adults.

The first jack-o'-lanterns were made of turnips.

"Samhainophobia" is the morbid fear of Halloween.

Halloween is the biggest holiday of the year when it comes to candy salesâ€ estimated at $1.93 billion. One quarter of all the candy sold each year is purchased between September 15 and November 10.

The word witch comes from the Saxon word wicca, which means "wise one."

Pumpkins also come in white, blue and green.

In France, more than 30,000 werewolf cases were tried between 1520 and 1630.

Dracula is the most filmed story of all time.

The largest pumpkin ever grown weighed 1,469 pounds. It was weighed in on October 1, 2005 at the Pennsylvania Giant Pumpkin Growers Weigh-Off.

Trick-or-treating is an Irish tradition, based on a custom where wealthy landowners would give food to the poor on Halloween night, believing ghosts would look favorably on them for doing so and spare them from mischief.

In Romanian, Dracula means "Son of the Devil."

The Scots believed in "Samhanach," a goblin who came out only on Halloween and stole children.

Halloween costume sales are estimated at $1.5 billion.

Eighty percent of kids say their favorite Halloween candy is either chocolate or gum.

Pumpkins are fruits, not vegetables.

Pennslyvania was the first colony to legalize witchcraft.

There is a poisonous mushroom called a jack-o'-lantern. These mushrooms are a bright orange-yellow in color and on rainy nights they appears to glow in the dark.

Fifty-one percent of all American adults believe in ghosts. Nine percent of Americans claim to have been in the presence of a ghost during their lifetime.

Americans consume about 20 million pounds of candy corn each year.

The Count Dracula Society was founded in 1962.

In the 17th and 18th centuries, people in costumes and masks would go from house to house, singing and dancing to keep evil at bay. These people were known as "guisers."

Americans spend about $50 million on Halloween greetings.

According to studies, the smell of pumpkin pie is the most arousing to women, followed by lavender, cucumbers, baby powder and Good & Plenty candy.

At one time, there were public trials and convictions of animals for witchcraft.

In Lewis, Scotland, Halloween was once celebrated by designating one man to wade into the evening sea and offer a cup of ale to Shoney, a sea god.

In the North of England, Halloween was called "nut-crack" and "snap-apple night."

Ninety-nine percent of pumpkins sold in the U.S. are used to make jack-o'-lanterns.

The first Frankenstein film was produced by Thomas Edison in 1910.

The average U.S. household spends $44 on Halloween candy.

There is a Transylvania County in North Carolina.

According to superstition, you will see your future spouse over your left shoulder in the mirror at midnight on Halloween.

"Wiccaphobia" is the fear of witches and witchcraft.

October 30 is National Candy Corn Day.

A popular Halloween drink in 18th century Ireland was "lambs-wool," which consisted of roasted, crushed apples mixed into milk.

Dan Rather was born on Halloween, as was Jane Pauley.

Celts believed black cats were once people who had been turned into animals with evil magic.

Gross title I know... But, hey - it got ya' here...
Sorry for all the jokes - I just don't want to see any unhappiness goin' around...
So, here's one to start your week...

Tom, a handsome dude, walked into a sports bar around 9:58 PM. He sat down
next to this blonde at the bar and stared up at the TV. The 10:00 news was
on. The news crew was covering a story of a man on a ledge of a large
building preparing to jump. The blonde looked at Tom and said, "Do you think
he'll jump?" Tom says, "You know, I bet he'll jump. The blond replied,
"Well, I bet he won't." Tom placed a $20 bill on the bar and said, "You're
on!" Just as the blonde placed her money on the bar, the guy on the ledge
did a swan dive off the building, plummeting to his death. The blond was
very upset and handed her $20 to Tom, saying, "Fair's fair. Here's your
money. Tom replied, "I can't take your money, I saw this earlier on the 5
o'clock news and so I knew he would jump."

The blond replies, "I did too; but I didn't think he'd do it again."

This joke only works if you're familular with American History (apologies to those who don't)
Hope you enjoy....

Ghosts Of The White House

One night, George W. Bush is tossing restlessly in his White House bed He
awakens to see George Washington standing by him Bush asks him, "George,
what's the best thing I can do to help the country?"
"Set an honest and honorable example, just as I did," Washington advises,
and then fades away

The next night, Bush is astir again, and sees the ghost of Thomas Jefferson
moving through the darkened bedroom. Bush calls out, "Tom, please! What is
the best thing I can do to help the country?"
"Respect the Constitution, as I did," Jefferson advises, and dims from
sight.

The third night sleep is still not in the cards for Bush. He awakens to see
the ghost of FDR hovering over his bed. Bush whispers, "Franklin, What is
the best thing I can do to help the country?"
"Help the less fortunate, just as I did," FDR replies and fades into the
mist.

Bush isn't sleeping well the fourth night when he sees another figure moving
in the shadows. It is the ghost of Abraham Lincoln Bush pleads, "Abe, what
is the best thing I can do right now to help the country?" Lincoln replies,

"Go see a play."

melonbrust... You are the sweetest. Ditto and smiles all around. You really are fantastic.

To the others who have been keeping up to speed with what the two of us are talking about...
Fine, I'll admit it - I love her. What's so wrong with that? She really is a great gal. Trust me! We may not know what eachother looks like and we may have not met face to face... But right now, that doesn't matter to me. It's been so long since I've met a decent woman like her. I love her. Give her a chance - you will too.

Whoa boy!!! Feeling small here...

HEY melonbrust where R U? I NEED HELP here! *no answer* >so alone<

}ahahaha sinister thought{ I never answered the question. You're just asuming.
Besides, how could you not... Talk to her once and awhile. She's the best (no offence to anyone else).

Whoa whoa whoa... When did this turn into a witch hunt?
And how come I have to answer... What about melonbrust... Ladies first...

But seriously starsaturn - in light of your question

I uh... (sweats a little) well... uh... (sweating more)
You see.... I... uh.... (hic-ups and passes out)

*~awkward shyness overcomes the atmosphere~*

Hey everyone... Stop saying "if you fall in love online - you've got problems"
The way I look at it is this... People always say sence of humor, personality, and characteristics are really what matters. If you're honest and stay true about yourself... How is that stuff suddenly out the window. Online, all you are is personality.
Such websites as eharmony.com and myownfriends.com learned this long ago.
Don't be so closed. Open up to all ideas. Look to both sides of the coin. It would be odd, considering you've never seen the person... But is that shallow?
I dunno - all I can really is:

Nice thread Starsaturn. Really. You had a great idea!!

I dunno... Some oddball named... what was it again?.. Oh yeah, melonbrust!!

(you're so damn cute) ;D

Define... Love?

I mean, I love my dog... But I'm not in LOVE my dog. Understand?
Clear this up for me...

Thank you Minitokyo!!

I originally came here to see if I could maybe find some fantastic wallpapers, graphics, great topic forums... I never would have thought that friendship was in the mix. I have found many wonderful people with the same interests as me. I really enjoy my time here and learn so much, not just about anime, but about people and myself as well.
This site is a fantastic idea!!!
Who would've guessed that so many people from all over the globe have this much in common. This much to talk about. I love it. I have made so many wonderful friends here and I wouldn't trade any them in for the world.
One friend in particular has really be a pure delight. I just want her to know that I find her to be absolutely amazing and that I love spending time with her. I would've never thought that I would have so much in common with someone. I couldn't thank MT enough for allowing me the atmosphere (place) and time (24/7) to be with her (you know who you are - take a bow). *~crowd cheers~*

MT...
I really just wanted to say thanks. I don't know if you knew how amazing your site really is.

Oh, and since my avatar, username, and quote suggest different...
*I'm a jerk - stay away* (just staying in character)

Fine fine fine... Not too many people liked my last joke... This one should bite a little better. Go on... Try to guess where it's going... The ending is the best part!!!

Soon after the Texas Aggie clocked in for work, the foreman called him over and told him that he had a phone call in the front office. When the Aggie returned, he had a mournful expression on his face and his head hung low. His foreman noticed and asked if he had received bad news.

"Shure was, Boss" he replied, "I just found out that my mother died earlier this morning.

"Gosh, that's awful," replied the foreman "Do you want the rest of the day off?"

"No," replied the Aggie. "I'll finish the day out."

About an hour later, the foreman returned to inform him that there was another phone call for him up front. This time when the Aggie returned he looked twice as glum and the foreman asked if everything was alright.

"Jezz, Boss this has to be the worst day of my life," Moaned the Aggie. "That was my brother, and his mother died today too!"

I hope this doesn't offend anyone. I found this to be hilarious. Anything for money I always say...

DAMN CHECKING ACCOUNT

A crusty old man walks into a bank and says to the woman at the window,

"I want to open a damn checking account."

The astonished woman replies, "I beg your pardon, sir.

I must have misunderstood you. What did you say?"

"Listen up, damn it. I said I want to open a damn checking account now!"

"I'm very sorry sir, but that kind of language is not tolerated in this

bank." The teller leaves the window and goes over to the bank manager to inform him of her situation.

The manager agrees that the teller does not have to listen to that foul language.

They both return to the window and the manager asks the old geezer,

"Sir, what seems to be the problem here?"

"There is no damn problem," the man says.

"I just won $200 million bucks in the damn lottery and I want to put my damn money in this damn bank."

"I see," says the manager, "and is this bitch giving you a hard time?"

Well they remind me to exercise and I too will be able to jump accross spans of buildings.
Serously, I'm not fat <--insert comment for dramatic affect.
The last really well known game where a fat guy was awesome was segas toe jam and earl.
Oh yeah! trip to funky town!!! work it man work it.

Im sorry - I hope very much that you feel better soon!
Have some pollo soupa!

Eat right!
Make sure you get your daily dose
of fruits and veggies.
Take your vitamins and
bump up your vitamin C.
Get plenty of exercise
because exercise helps build
our immune system.
Walk for at least an hour a day,
go for a swim,
take the stairs instead
of the elevator, etc.
Wash your hands often.
If you can't wash them, keep a
bottle of antibacterial stuff around.
Get lots of fresh air.
Open doors and windows
whenever possible.
Try to eliminate as much stress
from your life as you can.
Get plenty of rest.

OR

Take the doctor's approach.

Think about it...
When you go for a shot,
what do they do first?
They Clean your arm with alcohol...
Why?
Because Alcohol KILLS GERMS.

So.......

I walk to the liquor store. (exercise)
I put lime in my Corona...(fruit)
Celery in my Bloody Mary (veggies)
Drink outdoors on the bar patio..(fresh air)
Tell jokes, laugh....(eliminate stress)
Then pass out. (rest)

The way I see it...

If you keep your alcohol levels up,
flu germs can't get you!

My grandmother always said,
"A shot in the glass
is better than one in the ass!"

Live Well - Laugh Often - Love Much

Sorry...
I didn't write em'. My boss gave them to me via email. I didn't intend for them to be sexist. Sorry! <--sobbing in shame

I'm not making fun of the elderly... But a little poking never hurt...
Hope you enjoy these stories... Supposedly their true - You be the judge

LOST IN THE DARNDEST PLACES:
An elderly Floridian called 911 on her cell phone to report
situation to the dispatcher: "They've stolen the stereo, and the
steering wheel, the brake pedal and even the accelerator!" she cried.
The dispatcher said, "Stay calm. An officer is on the way."
A few minutes later, the officer radios in. "Disregard." He says. "She got in the back-seat by mistake."

FAMILY
The 92 year old is sitting at the kitchen table having team listening to her sisters.
She shakes her head and says, "I sure hope I never get that forgetful, and she knocks on wood." She then yells, "I'll come up and help both of you as soon as I see who's at the door."

"I CAN HEAR JUST FINE!"
Three retirees, each with a hearing loss, were playing golf
one fine March day. One remarked to the other, "Windy, isn't it?" "No,"
the second man replied, "it's Thursday." And the third man chimed in, "So
am I Let's have a beer."

DOWN AT THE RETIREMENT CENTER
80-year old Bessie bursts into the rec. room at the
Retirement home. She holds her clenched fist in the air and announces, "Anyone who
can guess what's in my hand can have sex with me tonight!!" An elderly
gentleman in the rear shouts out, "An elephant?" Bessie thinks a minute and says, "Close enough."

OLD FRIENDS
Two elderly ladies had been friends for many decades. Over the years, they had shared all kinds of activities and adventures. Lately, their activities had been limited to meeting a few times a week to play cards. One day, they were playing cards when one looked at the other and said, "Now don't get mad at me I know we've been friends for a long time but I just can't think of your name! I've thought and thought, but I can't remember it. Please tell me what your name is." Her friend glared at her. For at least three minutes she just stared and glared at her. Finally she said, "How soon do you need to know?"

SENIOR DRIVING
As a senior citizen was driving down the freeway, his car
phone rang. Answering, he heard his wife's voice urgently warning him,
"Herman I just heard on the news that there's a car going
the wrong way on Interstate 77. Please be careful!." "Heck," said Herman,
"It's not just one car. It's hundreds of them!"

DRIVING
Two elderly women were out driving in a large car - both
could barely see over the dashboard. As they were cruising along, they came
to an intersection. The stoplight was red, but they just went on through.
The woman in the passenger seat thought to herself "I must be
losing it. I could have sworn we just went through a red light."
After a few more minutes, they came to another intersection and the light was
red again. Again, they went right through. The woman in the passenger seat
was almost sure that the light had been red but was really concerned that
she was losing it. She was getting nervous. At the next intersection, sure
enough, the light was red and they went on through. So, she turned to
the other woman and said, "Mildred, did you know that we just ran through
three red lights in a row? You could have killed us both!" Mildred
turned to her and said, "Oh, crap, am I driving?"

TELL ME THIS WON'T HAPPEN TO US !!!!

Lemme take you ol'school...

Bionic Commando for original Nintento. That extendo arm he has is the best. It can assist in climbing... He can rip your face off <-- whoa, gettin a gorey there OniJin... Calming down. Wanna tell you bout a game - not make you there...
So yeah, that's my fav!

Well, I wanted to say Hello and Welcome.
But, I'm afraid of being yelled at.

I like action too but, I love the cutesy type as well. Don't think ill will of me. Hope you find what you're looking for! Have a good one

Yeah, I know.
I've seen it before. It's pooly dubbed but, in a classic 1970's Bruce Less sort of way. Ya'know, none of the lip movement adds up. I find that hilarious.
The movie is about Dragon Pearls.
It's hilarious. I suggest watching it - not buying it.
:)

Melonbrust writes:

Quote: congratulation onijin ! i am really happy for you .. wow 5 and 1/2 years of relationship huh?
I just ended my 4 years relationship with someone sigh.. well no regret, i dont think that he is the right person for me, so its better to tell him now than later..
so, hav you decied when is the big day going to be?

Thank you. No we haven't set a date yet. We have some stuff to settle first (debt)
I'm sorry to hear your loss. But like you said, No regret. Good head on your shoulders. Especially if he's not the right one - good decesion.

How bad do you want friends?
Would you dance for it?*

J/K welcome. MT is awesome. As someone said to me when I first arrived... Welcome Home!

Contact me if you wish. We can all be friends.

*Reference to a Sierra Mist commercial.